I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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