Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
