you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
