I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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