my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
