My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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