i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
