im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
