We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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