Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
