I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
