I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
