help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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