the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
