I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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