Apparently you make a good broom.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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