he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
