I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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