We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
