Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
