I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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