Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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