I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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