Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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