life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
