Sponge bath it is.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
