what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
