I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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