so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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