toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
