There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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