i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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