YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
