I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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