My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
