I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
