TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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