Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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