My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is her dick bigger than yours?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
