I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
