you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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