if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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