I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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