Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
