wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
