I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
