Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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