I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
