Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
