yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
