Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
