He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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