I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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