Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
