I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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