Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
