Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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