I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
