Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
