Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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