Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
