I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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