just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
