i would punch a child for taco bell
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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