Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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