Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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