i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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