just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
