i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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