All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
